“The Truth Shall Set You Free”
I’ve always liked this phrase. I’ve heard it countless times from movies, The Oprah Show, and everyday conversations. Although, I didn’t realize this was a quote from The Bible. (I was born and raised atheist. Now I’m LA spiritual meaning: I own a yoga mat, a few crystals, and I look at the moon more). I didn’t buy a Bible, but I did look it up on the all-knowing google and discovered it’s meaning. So, truth (being Christianity) shall set you free. (Free of sin and misery and all that icky stuff). Okay. Cool. But is there a secular version of this that I can take and run with?
I grew up with so many lies. Like crazy amount of lies. Basically…all lies. From little lies such as my dad told me he bought the flowers and balloons that were delivered to me for my middle school graduation when it was really from my aunt. To him confessing in tears that he was dying of stage 4 lung cancer so I would then give him money or find money to give him when he didn’t have cancer at all. The list goes on and on and on and on. To this day, I can’t stand liars. I’d rather fuck a guy with a small herped dick who is honest, than a liar. But I’m learning I have other options now. Who knew?
For so long I was embarrassed of my childhood with all the lies, murder, and sexual abuse. All that shit is shameful! It should be locked up and tucked away. Of course I didn’t want to look at it. I’m not an idiot! I knew it would be painful, and why suffer more? But I was suffering. My dad continued to pressure me to lie for him. I censored myself with so many people because it was hard keeping up with all his stories. It was easier to isolate. I avoided writing jokes because I didn’t even know who I was from my lack of self-acceptance. Consequently, I didn’t do stand-up as much as I should have. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking up in networking events in fear of accidentally saying something I would regret. I couldn’t maintain close friendships because I didn’t want to expose myself and therefore, my family. I was not free. Simple as that.
What cured all that suffering, was speaking the truth. Okay, Jesus was right about that. I’m a fan of therapy because it helps you get honest. I needed my own personal Sherpa to guide me along the way. There’s no way I could have navigated all by myself. Sheeit. With my childhood? I’ll take all the help I can get.
Not speaking your truth will literally cost your freedom. I see it so easily in other people. My dad, my brother, and certain ex-boyfriends are so trapped by their denial and dishonesty that it makes me want to do the complete opposite. Perhaps to the extreme.
So hey, either I can ignore what happened to me or use it.
Annnnnd… I think I’ll pick the latter.