What do you do when your family sucks? And not just like... “Oh, I don’t like my parents politics.” But more... “Oh, wait a second, my parent is a sociopath and did some serious damage to me growing up, and I’m kinda fucked up over it and have to work on healing myself till the day I die.” Like…that kind of sucking? Yeah, what do you do then?
For awhile I thought that disconnecting was just for cults. Then I realized it’s actually a form of self care and in a way, a necessity.
It’s a manner of parenting yourself. You looking out for you. You taking care of yourself first. You protecting your inner child who should have been protected this whole time but slid through the cracks of chaos and abuse. But guess what? You survived! And now you have the freedom to do whatever the f*ck you want and need to do.
When your family sucks, it colors every area of your life. Your romantic relationships, friendships, finances, career…basically, how you see yourself fitting in the world and your overall worth.
And that’s f*cking nuts.
Sometimes you need to disconnect. Even if it’s for a short period of time just so you can take off the glasses of dysfunctional family and see what actually is going on.
Some people are really put off by the fact that I don’t speak to my father. “But he’s your dad. Your blood. You’re only given one father.”
I know, and it blows. There’s no denying that. And maybe one day, it will change. But right now, the most important person is me. I’m fighting for me right now. I’m surrounding myself with good friends and the kind family members who love and encourage me and who aren’t out to manipulate me for themselves.
It’s hard though. Especially during the holidays because it brings up past memories and forced ideas of what a typical family should look and feel like. It’s very isolating.
Bad news is that some of you have a sucky family. Good news is that you’re not alone. There’s a big group of us in the shitty parents club who decide not to talk to them. And you know what, we’re taking care of ourselves and are stronger for it. And that's nothing to be ashamed about.
So let’s celebrate that.