I want everything to be perfect. This blog, my bikini line, my… life. But it’s not and it never will be.
I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve been writing a couple of things, but ugh…it’s emotionally draining. So this post is just me shooting the shit (which is a really disgusting phrase and I now apologize for using it).
I’m not sure why I put so much pressure on myself. I don’t think it’s a good thing. My last blog was about bullying and a result of that is now I bully myself. In fact, I’m even louder than them. If I didn’t like those little pencil dicks taunting me, then why am I allowing myself to keep on repeating their awful behavior?
Sometimes I think that the meaner I am to myself, the more I’ll get done. The more I’ll change my life. It’ll be the fastest way to get to a size 2.
But it’s not.
And obviously I have that quote on a post- it on my wall.
I also think that if I’m really content with my life as it is and consistently have gratitude, then my god or the universe will say...
“I guess Dixie’s okay. No need to give her anymore. She seems fine without that acting job, so let’s give that part to Kelly.”
But I want that acting part! And a whole lot more. How does this world work?!?!
Apparently I’ve come to a place in my life, where I don’t want to be miserable anymore. I’ve got a masters in the miserable program. Now I want to be happy.
So let’s see how this thing plays out….being presently fulfilled, being kind to myself, yet still striving for more...but in a gentle way.